EFFECTIVE LISTENING......A follow-up to "Listening......A rare golden wisdom"

This piece is a follow-up to my post last Wednesday (3^rd of July, 2013) titled “Listening…..A rare golden wisdom”. You can read it here HERE in case you missed it. An ardent reader of this blog requested that I do a follow-up, elaborating how to listen effectively. If you have read the first piece, you will agree with me that listening is as important, may be even more important than speaking. Without effective listening, communication is not complete. Since the main purpose is speaking is to be understood, then it is very important that we work towards being efficient in listening. By improving your listening skills, you can fundamentally improve your relationships with the people around you. Unfortunately, listening is an activity that most of us are not really taught how to do effectively. We tend to be overly concerned with the outgoing sounds, rather than the incoming signals! Listening is as important, maybe even more important, than speaking. Without relevant listening skills, it is difficult to communicate effectively with others.  Effective leaders and influencers master the art of listening because they understand that people want to be heard.  In our fast-paced world, active and empathetic listening is a rarity. Truth is; it is not as simple as it sounds. 

Interestingly, even if we know how to listen, we still often don't listen for a number of reasons. Indeed, there are many barriers to effective listening. Some of the barriers include;

(a)Physiological (hearing/auditory deficiencies, rapid thoughts etc)

(b)Environmental (physical distractions, distance etc)

(c)Attitudinal (preoccupation, egocentrism, fear, lack of interest

/concentration etc)

(d)Faulty assumptions (Selective perceptions, inappropriate feedback etc)

(e)Sociocultural (accents, clarity of language, contents of the message etc)

(f)Gender differences

The key to improving your listening skills is to overcome the barriers to effective listening. It requires commitment and efforts. As you listen, you will learn more, comprehend more, and be a better communicator -- listening or speaking. One of the ways to overcome the barriers to effective listening is to avoid excessive talking. Avoid talking when you are supposed to be listening. You cannot effective talk and listen at the same time – it cannot not work that way! You need to listen and try to understand the speaker and put yourself in his position. Avoid interrupting the speaker when he is still talking. Focus your attention on the speaker and what is being said. Being able to concentrate is definitely a skill; a skill that we all need in today’s world. Show the Speaker that you want to listen by making us of verbal and non-verbal signs. Listen to understand. Reserve your arguments till it’s your turn to speak. This will make the listening experience much more meaningful to you. It is also vital that you control your emotions and your temper during conversations. Uncontrolled emotions and temper can cause misunderstanding and unnecessary arguments. If you allow your feelings/moods to interfere with your rationality, your comprehension will be reduced. Eliminate distractions of any sorts. Look for areas of agreement.

Listening for areas of agreement will make the speaker’s message more meaningful for you and will also make the speaker more comfortable. Oftentimes people can tell if you agree or disagree with what is being said. Also, it is imperative to avoid jumping to conclusions and making hasty evaluations. There is a high possibility that you may end up making incorrect conclusions and leave with the wrong message. It is like leaving the theater before the movie ends or the football game before the last whistle so you could beat the parking lot jam. You may miss the best part of the whole movie/game. You should not evaluate someone’s message without hearing it completely. Listen for the main points and where possible, take a note of the main points. This will help you develop a clear understanding of what the real message is.

Finally, remember that 'active listening', as its name suggests means actively listening. That is; fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.  Active listening involves listening with all senses.  As well as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what he is talking about is uninteresting to the listener.  Interest can be conveyed to the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal messages such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm hmm’  to encourage him to continue.  By providing this 'feedback', the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly. Effective listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice.  However, this skill can be difficult to master and will, therefore, take time and patience. See you tomorrow.