THE JOURNEY OR THE DESTINATION........Where lies the happiness?

While growing up, I was quite familiar with words like "Life is a journey", "we are all on a journey" etc without much understanding of what exactly these words meant. I later had a better understanding of it all. It became clearer to me that, as individuals, we all are headed for a destination (depending on what you believe). Everyone has a destination. Something we intend to become or achieve in life or somewhere we intend to go. To get to our destination, we must embark on a journey. A journey of discovery that is oftentimes full of expectations that we would rather oftentimes avoid if we have our way. Let me quickly remind you however, this piece is not really about expectations or the hurdles of a journey. It is simply about the way we see destinations viz-a-viz the journey to the destination.

We are often caught in the illusion that if (once) we reach our destination we then become automatically happy. This often make us close our eyes to the fun, the joy, ecstasy and of course the memories of the journey and become obsessed with the destination. This obsession, otherwise known as "destination disease", remains one of the reasons why some people remain sad in life. They think that arriving at their destination in life will bring them happiness.  The truth really is that many times when they arrive, they discover that it wasn't really what they expected it to be. If you become fixated on a destination alone, you will most likely miss the great things that happen along the way. If you focus too much on tomorrow, you might miss the joy of today. I agree that it is good to have a destination and to be focus on it but we must also be reminded that it is the journey that matters in the end. If you are one of those that believe that “someday” is going to be your "happy day", you would definitely not get enough of today. Sincerely, it is very easy to become dissatisfied and disengaged with where we are because of where we desire to be. All the same, joy can still be found in every day living even while we are journeying to that place. We must constantly be reminded to seek out what is good, particularly when we are in a difficult or unsatisfying place and time in life. We must never forget that the destination is a reward for the journey. If you focus too much on the destination at the detriment of the journey you will miss a lot of fun along the way. You must begin to enjoy where you are on your journey now and as you progress towards your destination your joy grows, the fun grows and of course the expectation grows.

Truly the journey is greater than the destination. A place, situation, or even a person will not ultimately make us happy. It's who we are and how we chose to see things that creates the joy we are all looking for! How we live, learn, grow and develop on our journey will determine how much we enjoy it. The antidote to “destination disease” is to live your life to the fullest everyday and grow a network of people who are doing the same. It is not enough to have a destination or a reason for living, it is also imperative that you are enjoying the journey with a group of friends on a similar track. If not, it’s never too late to find it. Keep enjoying the seize-able moments along the way. Some of them can be life changing. Remember, the joy is in the ride; not in the destination; therefore enjoy the ride until you reach your destination.

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE.

Have you ever come across someone who seems never to have any positive perspective about almost everything? I mean someone who always sees only the negative side of things. No matter what you discuss with such person, you can always guess what his response will be. Always negative minded and of course, persistently asking questions to confirm their negative anticipations. Always asking questions like “What if it doesn’t work?” How can you be sure it will work”? Interestingly, such people get so wrapped up in their negativity that they sometimes don't even know they are being negative. Unfortunately, we have to daily interact with such people without even knowing how their negativity affect us. This reminds me of the popular saying (my mum’s favourite actually); “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”. Believe it or not, you can tell a lot about someone by the company he/she keeps. The people we relate with greatly influence us. There is a high tendency that your outlook towards life will be negative if you are surrounded by negative people. Negativity can be very contagious hence it is important you constantly surround yourself with positive people and be that example for people that are prone to negativity.  You are the average of the people you spend the most time with.  In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you eventually become.  If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, before you know it, you will become cynical and negative.

Encounters with negative people can be emotionally challenging and stressful. This is especially true when you are a positive and productive person but have to interact with colleagues, family members or friends who tend to bring you down with their constant negative perspectives. Understanding how to deal with such people and why their behavior causes disruption in your life can help you develop better strategies for interacting with them. Negative people always find something wrong in any situation. They are expert complainers, pessimists, tyrants, worriers. Negative people are not often concerned about the effect their deeds has on others; they simply want to get rid of their own uncomfortable feelings in the fastest way possible. They just want to share it with you and make you share their views thereby dragging you down emotionally, physically and mentally. Negativity destroys relationships, creativity, achievement and of course happiness. Naturally, It is much easier to be a negative person (a pessimist) than to be a positive one (an optimist) just as it is easier to be part of the problem than to be part of the solution. We all have different types of negative people in our lives who try to bring us down on a perfectly good day. While you likely can't avoid these people entirely, you can deal with them in a way that you both walk away from the conversation or by simply figuring out when it's worth listening to them.

Interestingly, negativity is part of natural laws. Being able to differentiate between negativity and positivity means that you can identify positivity. They are poles apart. They are opposites. They attract. If you always want to be happy and be a winner, one of the biggest obstacles to overcome is the influence and opinions of negative thinking/talking people. You might have bad days once in a while but you cannot allow negativity to become your lifestyle, it will destroy you. Focus on facts, not feelings. Each time you catch yourself being unhappy with your life make a list of things God has given you or done for you, and leave your frustrations and heartaches at His feet. Be positive about the outcome of disappointments and focus on the positive side of unfortunate situations. Positive confessions also help a great deal. They bring life to every situation! If you feed yourself (fix your thoughts) on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise, those are the things that subconsciously become the topic of your conversation and invariably manifest in your life. Remember the words of Robert Kiyosaki; "It's not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it is what you whisper to yourself that has the most power."

Does who you are and who you want to be reflect in the company you keep?  Start spending time with people who are smart, positive and always optimistic. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Everybody needs relationships as a support system. I already wrote about relationship last month. You can read it HERE if you missed it. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.  Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, love and respect you. People who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. You have to consciously repel negativity. It is your choice. You have that power. Use it! Once you let go of negative people, positive ones appear. Remember, people either inspire you or they drain you. Chose them wisely.

HOPE.......the audacity for change.

The title of this piece was inspired by Barack Obama’s second book "The Audacity of Hope," which, according to him, is a phrase he heard in a sermon by his pastor; Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Reverend Wright preached on a painting that featured a woman in rags and covered in wounds. Though her harp had only one string, she made music to praise God, and Wright said it was this act that was audacious. She could have just sat there, miserable, and wished for things to get better. Instead, when there seems to be no hope, making the choice to believe that there is indeed hope, and that there is indeed a better life ahead, is what God wants for us. Obama secularized Wright's message in his campaign, and urged voters to see that with different leadership, “our own American dreams can be realized”. And no matter the situation, a person can choose hope as a means of looking toward the future.

"While there is life, there is hope." There are the exact words of the late Roman Philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero. Indeed, hope is one of the things that keep us going in life. Without hope, there is no reason to want to stay alive. "To live without hope is to cease to live". The bible describes hope as the ‘anchor’ of our soul! (Hebrews 6:19). It is a part of us that makes our life meaningful. Our best friend that never leaves us alone; the only thing that is left when everyone is gone. Everybody needs hope. It is our best possession. Believe it or not, everything we do is based on hope. It is eternal. It opens our minds to unlimited possibilities and opportunities. It makes us infinitely believe in positive outcomes. Wikipedia defines hope as the “feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best”. Hope is the belief that circumstances in the future will be better. Hope is not a wish but an actual belief that things will get better, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change. Hope includes a wide variety of beliefs --from a high school student hoping for an A in mathematics to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is that wonderful state that dispels fear, anxiety and despair. Hope is not hype. It is a genuine belief that all will be well. It is an aspiration that the future will deliver all that is good of our dreams, our visions and our expectations. Hope provides power to our feet, clutch to our hands and determination to our hearts that no matter what we face in life will prevail.

There is nothing to do but bury a man when his hopes are gone. Losing hope usually precedes loss of life itself. It’s the one thing in your life you cannot do without. Hopelessness is the darkest place anyone can ever be in life. Take away hope and all that will be left will be despair. Hopelessness in a society precedes anarchy. Hopeless people lack the will to live. On the other hand, hopeful people are creative people. They are constant. They are the people that always get out of the woods. They don’t give up. When you are a hopeful person, you will not only get out of the woods, you are more likely to give hope to others and get them out of the woods as well.

Hope is definitely not the same thing as (blind) optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Quoting Barrack Obama in one of his speech; “It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it. Hope is the belief that destiny will not be written for us, but by us, by the men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, who have the courage to remake the world as it should be.”

 Indeed, Hope is an opportunity to open the gift of the present and find the faith needed for the future. That is why it is often said the people’s hopes are put in their leaders. That is why the Great Napoleon Bonarparte referred to leaders as “dealers in hope". The first and last task of a leader is to keep hope alive—the hope that we can finally find our way through to a better world—despite the day’s action, despite our own insensitivity, shallowness and uncommitted resolve. To help the people believe the impossible is possible. Truly, that is why a leader is described as “someone who can take a group of people to a place they don’t think they can go”. Hope involves being calm & joyful even in the midst of the storm, believing and knowing it will surely be bright & sunny again! It fills us with the belief that the labor of today will surely bring forth fruit tomorrow. It gives us the confidence needed to take us past the challenges that may arise or stand in our way. It is the fire that burns within, even when we appear cold outside. It sets us free from fear, doubt and failure. It is the ingredients which our dreams are made of. Hope is the foundation of all motivation. Without hope, no one could ever be motivated. It is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. It sings when all melodies are gone. It gives us belief when the evidence is gone. Hope enables us to endure the hardships of life with courage and contentment bearing in mind that things will improve. It makes the journey becomes richer, the dreams becomes realities and today becomes forever. Let your hope arise and take you into a new and brighter season. Remember, when you chose hope, anything is possible. Have a great day. Remember to share thoughts below.

FORGIVE.......and sets yourself free.

One of my favourite quotes of all time "Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest." is from the Great Indian Spiritual Master and Author Sri Chinmoy. Indeed, one of the best ways to lead a happy life is to always forgive. Forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues to which one should always seek. It is the word that has as much as life-changing potential than any words in the English Language. Imagine if everyone you knew was willing both to apologize and to accept an apology! The willingness to admit that we are all human, and to forgive sincerely, is a sign of your emotional strength and maturity. If it is true that not one of us is perfect, then ignoring to forgive is indeed a conflicting choice. Obviously, the notion of forgiveness is still highly misunderstood by many people. We tend to think that forgiveness is something we need to do for the other person – the person that wronged us or hurt us in some way; therefore it is ‘the other person’ who needs our forgiveness. The fact that forgiveness appear to us as something we need to do for another person has made it (forgiveness) much more harder to achieve; for it becomes more difficult to give such ‘precious gift’ to someone we hold ill-feelings against.

Interestingly, forgiveness is for you. It sets you free from the shackles of the past so you can take the future in advance. To forgive is to free ‘negative’ feelings inside you in order to make space for positive ones. Whether you need to forgive yourself or others, forgiveness is instrumental in healing and moving forward in life. To keep un-forgiveness within you is to keep a toxin in your body, mind and soul. It is a spiritual poison to have to always remember that you hate someone as a result of his/her failures/shortcomings. Bearing a grudge and holding resentments is a terrible burden.  If you find it difficult to forgive someone, the inability to do so controls you. While he/she might have moved on with life or even forgotten about the situation, you will most likely still be stuck in anger, bitterness, revenge etc. Forgiving people, especially when they don’t deserve it sets you free. It releases any power the “other person” has over you. It is the most God-like character a Christian can ever exhibit. Besides, while the other person is blessed to be forgiven, you are also blessed, perhaps even more blessed because you have been able to free yourself.

Really, we all, at a point, have been deeply hurt and disappointed by other people, situations and circumstances. Emotional wounds can be as devastating as physical wounds and they need time and care to begin the healing process. Indeed, forgiveness helps a great deal in the healing process. However difficult we may find it to let go, there is never a wrong time to do the right thing. We must remember that we are subject to the same faults and failings of others; it allows us to keep things in their proper perspective. Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality.  Yet, it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that “it is all right, that we accept the evil deed”. But that is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the hatred that was created by the behaviors that caused the wounds. 

Forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting or undoing what has been done or pretending as if nothing has happened. It is never about justice neither is it about guilt. It is a decision to choose to excuse the mistake or offence of another and live with the consequence thereof. After the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, God offered His forgiveness through Jesus Christ, but not many humans care to receive His offer. Forgiveness is a two way stream among men, you give and you receive. And it is a requirement for ‘answered prayers’ in God’s court room. The first beneficiary of the art of forgiveness is the one who chooses to forgive. He is the one who is said to be the wisest.

Finally, it is imperative to understand that our sense of justice makes forgiveness even more challenging. Righting wrongs is part and parcel of integrity. The feature of “fairness” causes us to pause and demand payment for wrongs done. But the fact is, while 'forgiveness' may not necessarily restore a relationship, it beautifies and frees our lives to move on and make wonderful progress succeeding with our lives. Yes, the best revenge is success but we must never forget that forgiveness facilitates such. This is wisdom we need every day. Starting from today, forgive someone today, someone you are currently holding something against. Also, ask someone you have wronged for forgiveness today. It tells more about your personality than the other person. Remember, forgiveness, as they say, is the best form of knowledge. It takes a strong person to ask for it. It also takes a stronger person to give it. It is indeed the best source of unimaginable peace and happiness Forgiveness is the real form of love. It is not something we need to do once in a while; it must become part of us. After all, like Alexander Pope rightly puts it, "To err is human, to forgive divine. Have a great weekend.

HARD WORK.........the recipe for success.

Imagine reading a bible one day and you come across a verse which reads; “Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave” (Proverbs 12:24 NLT)! That was exactly my experience some years ago. Indeed, hard work is the key to success. Hard work earns you result. Results do not come unless you put in efforts! Hard work is a great quality. It is noble and veneration. All great men are hard-working people. Bill Gates revealed, in an interview, how he worked most nights until 10pm and only took two weeks off in 7 years, even after he became a millionaire with investment as big as Microsoft. I have also read a story of how Thomas Edison worked for twenty-one hours a day. He slept only for two or three hours on the laboratory tables with his books as his pillow.

 A person can only excel in his career due to hard work. Only hard work can get (and sustain) your promotion in life. It does not lie in luck. While luck may sometimes bring such to you, believe me, you will need real hard work to sustain it. There is no substitute for hard work. I love the way Henry Ford puts it; “The harder you work, the luckier you get”. How true! Every successful people work hard. And they have fun doing it. Amazingly, sometimes, we tend to underestimate work and overestimate talent but in the end, work tops talent. Ask talented people, they will always tell you that the real gift is not the talent, rather, the ability to work hard which invariably develop the talent. If you are going to be successful at anything, the key is to work smartest.

The problem with our human nature is that we want everything immediately without any effort. We have become a "microwave society". It is so funny we are even known to be living in "jet age". Unfortunately, we now see success the same way; we want it right now and we want it the easiest way. What a contradiction! If you buy into this type of method for success, then it is safe to conclude that you are gambling with your life. Never leave your life to chance! Take responsibility for your future and work towards achieving bringing your visions/dreams to reality. There is nothing that pays better than the 'good old fashioned' hard work. If an athlete will not plant a seed of "hard work", he/she will not reap the crop of success. Ask the farmer, the footballer, the athlete and they will tell how they have earned great rewards from their continual effort. With hard work, you can expect to get bigger, stronger, and faster.  To achieve true success and reach your fullest potentials, you need the strength of mind and body.

Without any doubt, the poor seem to also work hard but their working hard is often geared towards different goals with the hope to merely survive. It is very important at this stage not to mistake labour with hard work. Working hard does not necessarily mean physical labour. It doesn’t necessarily mean putting in long hours yet these are the first things that first come to your mind whenever you hear such word as “hard work”. Hard work involves avoiding the distraction that comes with doing what you are expected to be doing to achieve a set goal. It means to be focused and doing what is needed towards achieving your goal. It is about accomplishment, productivity and efficiency. Sometimes also, it is about going the extra mile. For example, hard work is not about washing the car but also going the extra mile to polish it. That is what hard work does; it makes your work stands out.

Usually, most people will do what is easiest and avoid hard work and that is precisely why you should do the opposite. The much tougher challenges will usually see a lot less competition and a lot more opportunity, that's where the big chunks are. The trust is that it will take hard work on the part of anyone who wants to be the best. How much work will it take? That depends on your final goal, or the greatness of your dream. If you want to be the best, then you are going to have to do more than others do. Any ordinary person can stay ordinary but those who will work hard, doing a daily routine that others often don’t will become the extraordinary people. People with strong arms, legs or muscles do not just wake up one day with those muscles; they build those muscles through hard work in form of daily/routine exercise.

There are definitely no short-cuts. Do you want to be bigger, stronger and faster? You must buy into this daily work ethic. You must learn to carry this method of success into every realm of your daily existence. If you will strive to reflect a spirit of excellence in everything you do, then hard work will automatically become your second nature. Make a name for yourself by being the best at everything you set your mind to do. Become a daily learner and a daily reader. Educate yourself in the area that you want to be the best. There is no easy way to accomplish what has never been done. It might take time but, believe me friends, hard work pays. However, make sure the work you are doing is productive and not just busy! Focus on hard work and working smart. It is a recipe for success.

UNDER-ESTIMATION......There is always more than what you see/know.

It’s a beautiful wet Friday morning in the city of Lagos. I welcome you to “Zicolo Today”. Today’s discussion focuses on teaching us never to 'UNDERESTIMATE' someone/oneself or even anything in life. Believe me, no one knows what a person is capable of until that person is placed in a position where his/her potentials can blossom/develop. Unfortunately, underestimating someone's potential has become too common in the way we relate with each other, especially between a superior and subordinate, a lady and her male friend (Wooer), a wife and her husband, an employer and the employee. Many parents have suffered great misfortune as a result of underestimating their children. Sometimes too, some people underestimate themselves, which to me is the greatest undoing anyone can do to himself/herself.

Underestimating someone's potential, whether it is your own or someone else's has many negative consequences. If you are underestimating someone, you are underestimating yourself. Everyone was born with unlimited opportunities, potentials and gifts. I have seen people with no much brain excel in life, people of poor family background becoming billionaires etc. Perhaps you are reading this and you feel there are limits to what you can achieve, what you can become in life. I dare say that you are the only one that can limit yourself. Never compare yourself with others. Never underestimate the importance of anything/anyone. Underestimating others only means that you are over-estimating your knowledge of them. Never underestimate the power of dreams and visions. The potential for greatness lives inside. Never underestimate the power of jealousy and that of envy to destroy. To the men, I would say “Never underestimate the power of women”. May God help us all. Have a great weekend.

EFFECTIVE LISTENING......A follow-up to "Listening......A rare golden wisdom"

This piece is a follow-up to my post last Wednesday (3^rd of July, 2013) titled “Listening…..A rare golden wisdom”. You can read it here HERE in case you missed it. An ardent reader of this blog requested that I do a follow-up, elaborating how to listen effectively. If you have read the first piece, you will agree with me that listening is as important, may be even more important than speaking. Without effective listening, communication is not complete. Since the main purpose is speaking is to be understood, then it is very important that we work towards being efficient in listening. By improving your listening skills, you can fundamentally improve your relationships with the people around you. Unfortunately, listening is an activity that most of us are not really taught how to do effectively. We tend to be overly concerned with the outgoing sounds, rather than the incoming signals! Listening is as important, maybe even more important, than speaking. Without relevant listening skills, it is difficult to communicate effectively with others.  Effective leaders and influencers master the art of listening because they understand that people want to be heard.  In our fast-paced world, active and empathetic listening is a rarity. Truth is; it is not as simple as it sounds. 

Interestingly, even if we know how to listen, we still often don't listen for a number of reasons. Indeed, there are many barriers to effective listening. Some of the barriers include;

(a)Physiological (hearing/auditory deficiencies, rapid thoughts etc)

(b)Environmental (physical distractions, distance etc)

(c)Attitudinal (preoccupation, egocentrism, fear, lack of interest

/concentration etc)

(d)Faulty assumptions (Selective perceptions, inappropriate feedback etc)

(e)Sociocultural (accents, clarity of language, contents of the message etc)

(f)Gender differences

The key to improving your listening skills is to overcome the barriers to effective listening. It requires commitment and efforts. As you listen, you will learn more, comprehend more, and be a better communicator -- listening or speaking. One of the ways to overcome the barriers to effective listening is to avoid excessive talking. Avoid talking when you are supposed to be listening. You cannot effective talk and listen at the same time – it cannot not work that way! You need to listen and try to understand the speaker and put yourself in his position. Avoid interrupting the speaker when he is still talking. Focus your attention on the speaker and what is being said. Being able to concentrate is definitely a skill; a skill that we all need in today’s world. Show the Speaker that you want to listen by making us of verbal and non-verbal signs. Listen to understand. Reserve your arguments till it’s your turn to speak. This will make the listening experience much more meaningful to you. It is also vital that you control your emotions and your temper during conversations. Uncontrolled emotions and temper can cause misunderstanding and unnecessary arguments. If you allow your feelings/moods to interfere with your rationality, your comprehension will be reduced. Eliminate distractions of any sorts. Look for areas of agreement.

Listening for areas of agreement will make the speaker’s message more meaningful for you and will also make the speaker more comfortable. Oftentimes people can tell if you agree or disagree with what is being said. Also, it is imperative to avoid jumping to conclusions and making hasty evaluations. There is a high possibility that you may end up making incorrect conclusions and leave with the wrong message. It is like leaving the theater before the movie ends or the football game before the last whistle so you could beat the parking lot jam. You may miss the best part of the whole movie/game. You should not evaluate someone’s message without hearing it completely. Listen for the main points and where possible, take a note of the main points. This will help you develop a clear understanding of what the real message is.

Finally, remember that 'active listening', as its name suggests means actively listening. That is; fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.  Active listening involves listening with all senses.  As well as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be listening - otherwise the speaker may conclude that what he is talking about is uninteresting to the listener.  Interest can be conveyed to the speaker by using both verbal and non-verbal messages such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or simply ‘Mmm hmm’  to encourage him to continue.  By providing this 'feedback', the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly. Effective listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice.  However, this skill can be difficult to master and will, therefore, take time and patience. See you tomorrow.

LEARNING.....to learn, unlearn and relearn.

Have you ever seen people who always act like they know everything? People who always make you feel like there is nothing you can tell them that they don't already know. Attempting to teach or correct such people is almost an impossible task. Thus, it is oft difficult for such people to learn and improve on anything they do. The truth is that no matter how much you already know, there are always more to learn. If you stop being better at something, then u have certainly stopped being good at it. Anyone who feels he is done with learning can as well be said to be over and done with life. It is always great to have a teachable mind. You must have a burning innate desire to endlessly learn, grow and develop. We must strive to become more than what we already are. Once we yield to this proclivity for continuous and never-ending improvement, a life of endless accomplishments and satisfaction becomes inevitable. If you look for opportunities to learn in every situation, you will expand your talent to its potential. Learning is an effective way to acquire skills and experience. Consciously and actively seek out and plan teachable moments. You can do that by reading books, visiting places that inspire you, attending events that prompt you to pursue change and spending time with people who stretch you and expose you to new experiences and challenges. All the good advice in the world won’t help if you don’t have a teachable mind. More of what you know are somehow things that you will be taught. You must admit your inadequacies and embrace corrections except you are perfect.

 Teachability is not so much about competence and mental capacity as it is about attitude. It is the desire to listen, learn, and apply. It is the hunger to discover and grow. It is the willingness to learn, unlearn and relearn. You must learn from your experiences and mistakes. I love the words of the legendary basketball coach John Wooden: “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” Leaders need to know that if they stop learning then they have stopped leading. If they remain teachable and keep learning, they will certainly remain leaders. Leading and learning are indispensable to each other. Whatever your talent happens to be – whether it is leadership, craftsmanship, entrepreneurship etc – you will expand it if you keep growing and striving to learn more. I belong to the school of thought that the most important skill to acquire is learning how to learn. The mind must be prepared for knowledge as one prepares a field for planting. A discovery made too soon is no better than a discovery not made at all! As you go through each day, remember that you cannot learn if you are always talking. There is a reason you have one mouth and two ears. Listen to others and remain humble and you will learn things that can help you expand your talents. Remember, "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence" Let's all go and have a great day. I love you.

LISTENING......A rare golden wisdom.

Permit me to draw your attention to something very imperative yet taken with so much levity. Something that is capable of destroying our homes, our relationships and our society. As humans, we all desire great and amazing homes and relationships yet we all seem to ignore one of the prerequisite for such. I am sure you will agree that communication is an essential instinct of all living things. I am also sure you are much aware that effective communication is very imperative in our relations as humans. I discovered that too many people fail to realize that real communication goes in two directions; Speaking and Listening (Writing and Reading). To listen closely and reply well is the highest perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that communication cannot take place until and unless a sent message is received. Such message must be heard and retained by receivers/listeners and acted upon. In essence, listening is a dynamic part of communication process. It implies decoding (i.e. translating of symbols into meaning) and interpreting the messages correctly in communication process. Its importance to communication cannot be over-emphasize. The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. Surely the best way to understand people is to listen to them. That is why it can be very heartbroken when you attempt to communicate something to someone and it appears the person is not listening well enough. This is why most relationships are failing and if the trend continues, more homes/families will be doomed. We must form the habit of effective listening. Sometimes it is all that we need to be that great leader, that great and loving husband, that reliable friend etc.

Effective listening is actively absorbing the information given to you by a speaker, showing that you are listening and interested and providing feedback to the speaker such that he or she knows that the message was received. Effective listening shows the speakers that they have been heard

Sometimes, I wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to LISTEN. Business people, leaders, parents, husbands, wives, neighbours, friends etc need to take the art of listening very serious. Unequivocally, we all desire to be heard hence there is need for us all to listen. Listening should never be confused with hearing! While hearing is a biological process that can be scientifically explained, listening is a psychological manifestation. To listen means to pay close attention to what is being said. When you listen, you do not only listen to the 'words' but also to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow your mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed and hear beneath the words. Listening is a magnetic and strange thing; a creative force. The friends, relatives, leaders etc who listen to us are the ones we tend to move closer to. I perfectly agree with the great Oliver Wendell Holmes that "It is the province of knowledge to speak and the privilege of wisdom to listen." Unarguably, if speaking is silver, then listening is gold. Listening commands respect. It saves one from troubles, fights, quarrels etc. The ears of the leader must constantly ring with the voices of the people! Many Leaders, Business Managers, Parents, Administrators etc could have easily saved themselves from many troubles if they had listened more! Just being available and attentive is a great way to use listening as a management tool. Some employers in the name of meeting will come in, talk for minutes/hours, dish out orders and leave believing that they have solved any problem. If it solves any problem, I tell you it will only be short-term. Many of them would have achieved greater things if they understood the power of listening. To a large extent, effective leadership is effective listening.

Listening helps immensely in our relationships. If you are having trouble making or keeping relationships, it might just be because you are not a good listener. Listening to others empowers them and causes them to rely on you when they need a person to talk to. Many women today suffer silently because they are not being heard which perhaps explain why women always crave for attention. Show me a person who talks when you wish him to listen and I will show you a boring person. Listening ensures confidentiality/trust. It aids learning and reduces conflicts.

Amazingly, almost everyone sincerely believes that he or she listens effectively. Very few people would admit that they need to develop their listening skills. Whereas very few of us listens the way we should. This does not in any way mean that effective listening is difficult; it is just because we never really consciously developed the habits that would make us effective listeners. We must make deliberate efforts to listen more. Listen to your wives/husbands, subordinates, friends etc. and above all, listen to yourself. But remember, you also have to talk otherwise it keeps you as more of a mystery to others and you might be misunderstood. Your ears will never get you into trouble. Have a great day. Don’t forget to subscribe and follow my blog by mail or your goggle account. I love you.